the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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