dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
