Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
