"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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