but the lizard people decide everything anyway
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
