Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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