just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
