i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Randomize
