I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize