giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
