thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
