Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Don't tell me you're on acid again
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
