So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
