I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
