Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
