Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize