i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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