Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
