He disabled his match.com account in front of me
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
