A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
