She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
