The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Randomize
