Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
