I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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