I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
