Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
