His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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