You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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