You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
