I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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