dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
