I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
