Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
one might say we're banned from that church
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
