she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
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I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I love you.
Bad choice
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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