the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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