At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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