I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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