how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
