I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
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