at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
