I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize