I'm going to jail i love you
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I did not marry a roomba.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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