I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
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