oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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