well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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