apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
