No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
