fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
