I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
