Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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