rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
