Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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