Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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