Just cropdusted the office
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
