How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
