Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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