i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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