why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
