awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Of course I have a pirate flag
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
