4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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