Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
