Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
