Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
the condom got lost in my hair
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
