if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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