Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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