You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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