so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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