Buhtt sex?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
