Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
