I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
