Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
