He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
