I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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