Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
