New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
