he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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